Time To Let Go

Integrative Therapy For Those Ready To Be Challenged

Compassionate, relational, trauma-informed, existentially-minded, action-enabling & courageous therapeutic work

Hello. I'm Sammy, an experienced, BACP-registered, COSRT-certified integrative psychotherapist.For individuals I currently offer in-person work in East London (London Fields, Hackney, E8), online sessions (or by phone) and walking therapy (walk-and-talk) in Lewes, East Sussex.I also offer Relationship Therapy (also known as couples counselling/therapy). For this head to my profile on the Counselling Directory.Integrative PsychotherapyI help people change, whether that means healing from their childhood trauma (or "C-PTSD"), thawing out frozen grief, letting go of unhealthy patterns, establishing healthy boundaries, strengthening their character, expanding their self-awareness, developing their personality or embracing their shadow.Whatever happened to you in the past, whatever you wanted to happen that didn't and whatever you're still waiting to happen, I'm here to guide you in confronting your "unfinished business" and relinquishing the control it still has over you (or you still have over it) today.I work from the understanding that, long after traumatic or neglectful events, periods or situations have passed, it is often the hidden beliefs we hold at our core as a result of those experiences that continue to cause us mental overwhelm, emotional pain, autonomic stress and physical ill-health, and that keep us stuck or from living the life we want to live.Holding these core beliefs firmly in place are deep-rooted feelings of shame along with an overpowering fear that our shame will be exposed, not only to others but to ourselves.Moments, episodes, sagas and eras in our early years and teenagehood radically shape how we see and feel about ourselves, others, life and the world around us.Alongside positive treatment, cherished memories and healthy developmental experiences, we may have been neglected, deprived, rejected, bereaved, conditionally loved, smothered, ignored, shutdown, scapegoated, pressured, deprioritised, inconsistently treated, betrayed, wished away, spoken down to, emotionally blackmailed, bullied, denied play, threatened, violently attacked, verbally assaulted, humiliated, spitefully punished, handled with contempt, witness to atrocities, incapacitated, denied rites of passage or independence, envied, inappropriately depended upon or inappropriately touched.As children, when - without explanation - our fundamental needs are not being met, we may come to conclude things like "I'm bad", "I'm unworthy of love", "I'm not safe", "I'm only worthy of attention if I...", "I'm too much", I'm not (good) enough", "I'm disgusting", "I shouldn't be here", "I'm dangerous", "I can't trust anyone", "I'm invisible", "I'm out of control", "I exist only for others", "I'm crazy" and "I must compete to be heard".Every bit as soul-crushing as they are a source of wisdom, we form and cling to these beliefs - along with the "magical thinking" that justifies them - in order to emotionally and physically survive the remainder of childhood and what we imagine will be our adulthood.Using them as our template for living, we develop coping mechanisms we hope will shield us, strategies that probably kept us alive back then but now tragically limit, dehumanise and chronically disease us as adults.Ways of perceiving ourselves, of being and of behaving that we adopted to get us through dark, frightening times now threaten and sabotage our lives in the present.Even when the true dangers of old are long gone, we are constantly bombarded by subtle and not-so-subtle reminders of those times, known as emotional triggers, and remain trapped in cycles of hyper-vigilance that are often self-fulfilling.I see therapy as the process of unearthing, giving space to and freeing yourself from the burdens of the past - the arrested emotions, the limiting beliefs, the unconscious goals, the outdated survival strategies, the obsolete triggers.Once you realise at your core that you no longer have to carry and live by them, you can choose to give them up.It's through rediscovering, focusing attention on, emotionally-experiencing, accepting and letting go of the past, and the countless ways you coped with it, that true recovery and profound, lasting change occurs.More about my role in your journeyMy job is to help you find the courage to orient yourself on the map, navigate the waters and weather the, sometimes menacing, storms of this process under my full holding, guidance and support.That includes the courage to be a fallible human who probably won't things right first time and whose progress may naturally see them taking 2 steps forward and 1 step back.I will only hold you accountable for one thing: holding yourself accountable.Along those lines, when I judge it as necessary, in order to help them become unstuck and in the spirit of kindness, I challenge my clients in ways that can feel uncomfortable at first.This might involve me, with care, drawing attention to a conscious sore-spot, a semi-conscious dissonance or an unconscious blind-spot, something seemingly unspoken, unfelt or inconvenient to the narrative in the room, that as yet may be hard for them to face.For this reason, I strive to create an environment where we can be compassionate and respectful towards one another while doing our utmost to be honest and sincere. That means I, likewise, welcome my clients challenging me when they see it as appropriate to our work.This practice of disclosing what we see or feel to one another habitually takes vulnerability on both sides. It is also a template for how you might start approaching your relationships on the outside with more authenticity, less constricted by fear and shame.In this work candid feedback is one of the most powerful instruments we have and it is ultimately what will keep you moving towards your destination.I'll do my best to help you get there.The critical importance of an existential lensThe space I offer is one in which clients can get to know themselves intimately, discover what really matters to them, explore the nature of existence and, through doing so, live better.Under the spotlight of life's big questions, I help them orient themselves away from simply seeking pleasure or pain relief and towards living more authentically, with purpose, meaning, grace, joy and fulfilment.Our "human condition" means we are conscious of our own freedom, agency, responsibility, isolation, insignificance, meaninglessness, vulnerability and inevitable death.For all its brilliance, this same awareness leads to a paralysing mess of terrifying feelings, such that we must instinctively force it into our subconscious minds in order to function, a process known as "denial".If we don't regularly allow that awareness back into our conscious minds in moderation, those feelings show up in other ways instead: anxiety, boredom, confusion, low self-esteem, loneliness, disassociation or physical symptoms.These "substitute" feelings have a habit of blending with the emotional toll of daily life and the insidious burden of past trauma, resulting in a diffuse sense of self and of what torments us.Therapy serves as a practice of teasing out, making sense of, contemplating and bearing witness to your interwoven, interconnected experiences.As you investigate and demystify your suffering, you come to know the rich and diverse territory of it. You start to recognise constituent sources of discomfort and anguish as separate from one another.In time, you clarify your values and increasingly can see why, how, when and where you're not living by them.You learn to appreciate them, not as flimsy passing thoughts, but as beacons that show you the way towards living meaningfully.With deeper, more nuanced self-understanding and what it means to be alive, you can find the strength to take necessary actions, and the courage to make peace with things as they are now and as they once were.What I specialise in working withThough I am experienced in helping with a diverse range of issues and situations with clients from a variety of backgrounds, I specialise in:Complex trauma (childhood trauma, relational/attachment trauma, "C-PTSD"), narcissism & narcissistic abuse/neglect, codependence & counter-dependence, infidelity & betrayal, blocks to creativity & the creative process, disenfranchised & frozen grief, healthy & toxic shame ("the shadow"), guilt-tripping & guilt complex, unhealthy & healthy conflict, unconscious fears, repressed anger & rage, setting boundaries & assertiveness, self-respect & respecting others, personal growth & post-traumatic growth, issues with trust, existential crisis & "dark night of the soul", ontological shock, meaning-making, defining values & finding purpose, unlocking desire, developing playfulness & sense of humour, exploring sexuality, self-discipline, high-sensitivity ("SPS"/"HSPs"), inferiority/superiority complex, the 4P's of coping mechanisms (pleasure-seeking, people-pleasing, procrastination & perfectionism), obsessive thinking, shattered dreams & chronic disappointment, psychosomatic illness & symptoms, parentification & emotional incest, family estrangement, the impact & legacy of narcissistic, emotionally-immature, addicted, absent or dysregulated parents.Getting the most out of therapyIn truth, getting the most out of psychotherapy means accepting that it is, by nature, unavoidably hard, emotional work and appreciating that it isn't simply about finding relief from symptoms.Truly transformative therapy requires a thirst for change, a willingness to examine oneself, a dedication of time, a spirit of playful curiosity and, above all, courage.It involves actively questioning how you see yourself, others and the world around you, inside and outside of the therapy room. It is a commitment to yourself, a personal responsibility and a priority.Whilst it's important for therapy to be an organic, unfolding and unintentional process some of the time, being methodological, intentional and deliberate at other times is just as important.I encourage clients to become keen detectives of their present and inquisitive archaeologists of their past.Reflective practices such as journalling are necessary to breathe life into the work we do together, to shape the direction of it and magnify its impact.Some things that I championIt's a passion of mine to help people work through the common or universal human experiences that cause untold suffering but that, for one reason or another, our modern society likes to sweep under the carpet (as taboo), or that our culture has little awareness of and no language for.I am also passionate about helping people understand that umbrella-terms like "addiction", "depression" and "generalised anxiety" give a false impression that these are generic, surface-level "diseases to cure" or "live with" rather than nuanced coping strategies with a much deeper meaning, and that this fallacy prevents them from getting the help that they need in addressing root causes.Along similar lines, I am also inspired to help people appreciate how most of what is these days deemed innate "neuro-divergence" actually emerges in childhood, is exacerbated in adulthood, encouraged by the modern world we live in and fits the mould of trauma-induced chronic hypervigilance.I stand firmly against psychiatry's use of disempowering, misleading diagnostic buckets and labels, such as "ADHD", "OCD" and "BPD", as their means of mass-producing treatment plans, encouraging long-term dependency on pharmaceutical drugs and denying people the right to recovery.My therapeutic approach & philosophyMy approach to both relationship and individual therapy is compassion-focused, relational, trauma-informed, existentially-minded, grief-supporting, action-enabling, as well as being a creative and playful one.Having been trained and now practicing integratively, I'm inspired by and draw upon a number of approaches including humanistic (re-parenting, existential, gestalt, transactional analysis, person-centred), psycho-dynamic (object relations), cognitive (mindfulness, mentalisation, socratic method, metacognition, DBT, ACT), somatic (sensorimotor), trauma-focused approaches (Compassionate Inquiry, IFS), couples-specific approaches (The Gottman Method/imago therapy, emotionally-focused), psycho-sexual and neuroscience-based approaches (memory reconsolidation).I also weave in my own life experiences and, crucially, everything I have learned from my years of client work. I find this enables me to work holding a variety of perspectives in a natural, non-dogmatic way. I don't believe that any single way of looking at things is "the right one".At the same time I recognise different schools of therapy use different metaphors that are essentially saying the same thing and speaking to the same universal truths.My philosophy for practice is a bio-psycho-social-spiritual one, meaning I consider biological, psychological, social (& economic) and spiritual factors to be interconnected and of equal importance to well-being.I believe gaining awareness of, giving attention to and focusing efforts on these factors concurrently promotes better, more sustainable and more resilient physical, mental, emotional and spiritual health.My training & qualificationsI am a registered member of the British Association for Counselling & Psychotherapy (BACP), have worked with clients since Autumn 2019, qualified in Summer 2021 and have been practising full-time since.I hold an BACP-accredited Advanced Diploma in Humanistic Integrative Counselling from CPPD (2021) and a COSRT-accredited Certificate in Couples / Relationship Therapy from The Grove (2022).I have further specialist training in working with Suicide, Trauma, Eating Disorders, CBT, Eco Therapy, the Neuroscience of Attachment and Group Therapy. I've also attended trainings in trauma-focused approaches such as Compassionate Inquiry (Gabor Maté).A few words on my personal backgroundPreviously I had an office-based career, periods of working in hospitality, in kitchens, in the events industry, for small charities, in the care sector and as a musician.Born and raised in the UK in the North West of England, I am mixed-ethnicity, of British, Iraqi and Iranian heritage, and grew up in an intercultural, interfaith (Atheist, Christian, Shia Islamic) environment.I run creative workshops on themes related to the field of psychotherapy and also volunteer my time for a drug welfare/harm-reduction charity providing on-site psychological, emotional and substance-use related support to festival workers, volunteers and attendees.My hours - please enquire for current availabilityAs well as offering fixed, recurring, time slots, I also work with individuals on a flexible, ad-hoc basis. Ad-hoc work means sessions (or blocks of sessions for coming periods) are booked, normally 1-2 weeks in advance, and clients can attend at different times according to their schedule and my availability.Mon - online - 10am, 11am, 12pm, 4pm, 5pm, 6pm, 7pm
Tue - in London - 12pm, 3pm
Wed - in Lewes - 12pm, 1pm, 3pm, 4pm, 5pm
Wed - online - 10am, 11am, 5pm, 6pm, 7pm
Thu - in London - 1pm, 2pm, 3pm, 4pm, 5pm
Fri - online - 10am, 11am, 12pm, 1pm, 2pmCostsMy fee varies by mode/location:
London (in-person) - £80 / 50 minute session.
Online - £75 / 50 minute session.
Lewes (walking therapy) - £50 / 50 minute session.How do we get started?Send a few paragraphs here or via Counselling Directory describing what brings you to seek out therapy and I'll return my availability.We can then arrange a no-fee 30-minute consultation, during which you will get a feel for how I work. We'll clarify what specific support you need, as well as what that will look like, and discuss practicalities.If you then wish to proceed, we'll book a first session.I look forward to hearing from you.Sammy